Matsumoto Fangirl
by hu3long2
Summary: Oneshot. Prequel to Plotting. Toushiro learns more about fanfiction from Matsumoto than he is perhaps comfortable with.


Title: Matsumoto—Fangirl

Characters: Hitsugaya, Matsumoto (HitsuXMatsu)

Rating: T for mature themes, humour

Summary: How Toushiro learned about BL fanfiction pairings. Prequel to Plotting.

Disclaimer: Own no part of Bleach, not even bleach

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"Matsumoto!"

Hitsugaya strode forcefully into the office, pausing to glance at the couch on the way to his desk.

It was empty.

"Taichou! It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" The response came from the direction of the usually unused fukutaichou's desk, as Matsumoto peered over the screen of the laptop in front of her. In her inimitable way, Orihime had discovered a cache of free but working laptops, and had immediately saved one for Matsumoto. She had even convinced Urahara to perform some feat of technological wizardry and configure it for use in Seireitei. After a series of explanations, and practical demonstrations from Ishida and Ichigo during her last trip to Karakura, Matsumoto had embraced the possibilities of the Internet. "Ah, Taichou, it's wonderful for research!" had been her cheerful justification. "Look, there are more nice things here than I can find even in a big city mall!"

"What now? Free delivery from Takashimaya? New Spring line from Kenzo? A wonderful sake discovery?" If Hitsugaya's voice held bitterness besides the usual temper, it was unsurprising. Matsumoto's recent online shopping antics would have driven him to drink had he never seen his fukutaichou in the throes of a hangover.

"No, Taichou, it's better than that! It's and ! It's like drinking sake!"

Hitsugaya arched an eyebrow. As good as sake? This he had to hear about.

"People are writing all these made-up stories about us— the people in Seireitei, Ichigo and his companions in Karakura, even that bunch in Hueco Mundo!"

"Made-up stories?" This sounded ominous, if not downright dangerous. "What kind of stories? Is there a security breach in Seireitei?"

"Oh Taichou, it's nothing like that! The writers are all our fans, so they're trying to imagine what our lives are like, not only in the present, but also in the past and the future!"

"That's rather presumptuous of them, isn't it? Not to mention a violation of privacy."

"Taichou, don't be such a spoilsport! It's all great fun!" Matsumoto's head tilted sideways as she thought of exceptions to the rule. "Well, excluding the dark fics, the angst fics and the character death fics. Unless it's a horrible person."

"And how often do you die, Matsumoto?" asked Hitsugaya pleasantly, a gleam in his eyes.

"Taichou, you're so mean! I have to say that you die more often than me, and almost always in battle, though there is a recent story where Ichigo kills you by strangulation. (A/N Heuk Ya's story "Lover", which is freakily good.)

"_Kurosaki_ kills me? The kid who thinks he can save everyone?" Not that Hitsugaya had remained unimpressed by Kurosaki's unshakable stubbornness.

"It was a crime of passion, Taichou!"

"A _crime of passion_? Matsumoto, what exactly are you reading?" Strangled in a _crime of passion_? By _Kurosaki_? Hitsugaya could scarcely wrap his mind around the idea.

"It's BL, Taichou! And it can be heartrending, or heartwarming, or funny, hilariously so. Do you know, Taichou, every time you send me over to the Sixth, I can barely keep from laughing! Poor Abarai! Not to mention when I go drinking with Hisagi and Ayasegawa, and the boys… I just can't help but wonder."

"Matsumoto! You're not making any sense. Start from the beginning—what's BL?" Hitsugaya folded his arms and began to tap his foot.

"Boys' Love, of course, Taichou! It's about gay male relationships." The tapping stopped. "There's also yuri involving lesbian relationships, but that's relatively rare in the stories about us. The stories cater to a wide range of tastes, from sweet and chaste to down and dirty."

"There are stories that have Kurosaki and me in a homosexual relationship?" Hitsugaya's tone was a mixture of bemusement, horror, and disbelief. Matsumoto wondered when the fury would hit. Very gently, she lowered the lid of the laptop and slid it off her desk. The mechanisms were delicate and would not survive a blast of Hyourinmaru.

"Not just you and Ichigo, Taichou, though you are an extremely popular pairing! They call it Hitsuichi," Matsumoto was being tactful and respectful here, "or Ichihitsu. There are lots of other pairings too, especially with Ichigo. There's IchiIshi, IchiRen, even IchiBya. And of course, Byaren is quite a hit as well!"

"Hitsu, for Hitsugaya, Ishi—Ishida, Ren—Abarai, Bya—Kuchiki… " said Hitsugaya slowly. Matsumoto nodded vigorously. She decided not to mention the seme/uke equation for the present. "Why Kurosaki, all of people?"

"Well, Ichigo's special, isn't he? How many people become shinigami while still human, after all? And he's paired with people who have had more than the usual contact with him and seem compatible."

"Compatible?" repeated Hitsugaya faintly. Matsumoto nobly repressed a snicker. It was a treat to see the usually so imperturbable prodigy undone.

"Yes. For instance, think about your pairing. You're both young prodigies, he a shinigami at fifteen, and you're you. You are both deeply protective, yet irritable and unsmiling. His temper is hotter than yours is, and he's much more reckless, but the both of you are serious and resolute, and fans like the contrast of the analytical you and the rash Ichigo. Physically, you look good together, with your unusual colouring, he is earth while you are water. It can be very romantic, or dramatic, as the case may be. Mostly, it's pretty hot, especially since these stories can be very explicit. Literally, blow-by-blow accounts. Though the Byaren stories probably have you beat by a large margin in this respect."

The room was silent while Hitsugaya mulled over the information Matsumoto had just provided. Then he looked over at Matsumoto, a frown on his brow and a troubled look in his eyes.

"Rangiku," he began tentatively, "it doesn't bother you, these stories of me with other men?"

The merriment faded from Matsumoto's countenance. His was a question deserving of all the seriousness she could give in her reply. "Toushiro, I _know_ you. You are the most trustworthy man I have ever met. Once you have pledged yourself, you will never break that trust. And you know _me_. Who can better tell the distinction between attraction and love? Why should I, why should _we_, settle for less? We've been through too much to accept any kind of ménage a trois in our relationship, even a fictional one."

Hitsugaya's features relaxed. Then a smirk made its way across his face. "So, picked up any useful tips?"

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The End

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Thank you for your attention. Concrit appreciated.


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